A Dysfunction Lone Wolf Pack
by poxelda
Summary: Total fluff. An argument. No warnings.


Mac followed Jack into the house. Bozer, Riley and Cage were already gathered on the couches.

"Pug." Cage said. Bozer looked at her hurt.

"Pug? No man, rottweiler! Or at least a doberman, not no damn pug." Mac and Jack looked at each other puzzled. The other three looked up.

"What is going on?" Mac asked. Riley and Cage laughed.

"Bozer asked up what kind of dog we thought he'd be if he was a dog."

"And you said Pug?" Jack asked studying Bozer a long minute, "Yeah, I can see that."

"Jack, c'mon man. You know I'm more than that, Rottweiler, am I right?" Jack and Mac shared a glance.

"No." They both said simultaneously.

"Fine, what do you think Riley would be?" Bozer asked pouting. Everyone looked at Riley. She rolled her eyes.

"I think a Greyhound." Mac said with a smile. Riley looked at him.

"Greyhound? What the hell, Mac?" Mac held up a hand.

"They are the most efficient dog, they are built to run." Riley nodded.

"Ok, I could go for that."

"C'mon now, Ri. Mac just called you fast." Jack said nudging Mac almost off his feet.

"That's not what I said." Mac grumbled.

"Well what you say?" Cage challenged. Jack grinned.

"A poodle."

"A what?" Riley yelled in annoyance. Jack looked at her sideways.

"You know, all gussied up, perfect hair…"

"Looking like a trimmed shrub." Cage added with a laugh. Jack glared at her and looked at Mac for help. Mac just raised his eyebrows and went to the kitchen to take off his jacket and pull out a pair of beers. He handed one to Jack.

"Fine, what about Cage?" Jack said trying to distract Riley's irritated glare.

"Chihuahua." Bozer declared.

"What?" Mac said laughing.

"You know, Boze, I wouldn't have thought about it, but yeah...I can see it." Jack declared settling on the recliner ottoman chuckling. Cage glared at the older man..

"What are you talking about? A yippie dog, really?" Riley asked.

"Well look, everyone takes their Chihuahua for granted, stick her in a purse, use her as an accessory…"

"Boze, you're not selling it." Jack said, trying to warn the younger man. Cage's eyes had narrowed and she studied Bozer looking like she was silently plotting his murder.

"Chihuahuas are fiercely loyal and one of the most vicious dogs in the world." Mac offered. Bozer shot him a grateful smile. Cage shot Mac the weird little look they shared no one else understood.

"I can vouch for that last part. I was busting into a starlet's mansion once and her little mutt tore into my achilles tendon. I was laid up for months." Jack said. The others looked at him only a little surprised.

"Which starlet?"

"Was this on a mission?"

"What did you do?"

Jack grinned and took a sip of beer.

"I can't tell you her name, she's got a top ten reality show now. When I knew her she was on the arm of a gangster. No it wasn't a mission. And what did I do? Well, it was the size of a football so I did what came natural…"

"You didn't!" Jack was surprised to see the others staring at him with scandalous surprise. He rolled his eyes.

"He was vicious, I'm telling you." Mac laughed. Jack glared at him, "Shut up, you weren't there. I still have teeth mark scars, man."

"Ok, Jack." Riley said sipping her beer.

"So Jack, I'm a vicious fur accessory. What does that make you?" Cage asked with a grin. Jack preened and straightened his shoulders.

"I think that's obvious." He said turning his head posing.

"Pomeranian?" Mac offered. Jack shot him a full wattage glare.

"Terrier."

"Beagle."

"Airedale." Bozer added. Jack stood up.

"C'mon people, are you serious? Airedale? What the hell is an Airedale?" Bozer opened his mouth to answer. Jack interrupted.

"Whatever, look I am obviously a wolf."

"Wolves aren't dogs." Mac pointed out.

"Yes they are, they're called Wolf dogs, daddy's a wolf mom's a…"

"Pomeranian." Mac repeated. Jack growled and skulked to the kitchen for another beer. The other four were still laughing when he returned. Jack grinned and looked at Mac.

"I know exactly what you are, bud." Mac looked at Jack bracing himself.

"Oh? And what is that?"

"A puppy." Mac rolled his eyes.

"What kind of puppy?" Mac asked with resignation.

"Doesn't matter." Jack said sitting down pleased with himself. Mac shook his head and looked at the others who looked at him with visual sighs.

"I'm not a puppy." Mac growled.

"Sure, Mac."

"Whatever. you say."

"I'm not!" Mac said defensively.

"I can see it, one of those yellow fluffy ones." Cage said.

"With brown doe eyes…" Bozer added.

"Playing with the bag the bone came in instead of the bone." Jack cooed.

"C'mon guys, really?" Mac huffed as he plopped down in the recliner. He looked to Riley begging for support.

"Sorry, Mac they're right." Riley said shrugging. Mac glared at her. He waited until they stopped laughing before he sat back.

"Ok, fine. What about Matty?" There was a long minute of silence.

"Pitbull." They all said at once.


End file.
